MEMORIAL DAY - HONOR THE DEAD BUT HELP THE LIVING

Memorial Day.  An excuse to shop? A day off  from work or school?  Watching a band and eating yummy food at a downtown festival?  It's all of the above, but the main reason for this May holiday, signaling that summer will be here soon, is remembering.   Specifically, remembering our nation's fallen military men and women. 


Originally called Decoration Day, it was established before the end of the Civil War to honor the men and women who died in service of our nation.  Many small towns lay claim to having  been the first to celebrate a specific day, but over time it was officially proclaimed a holiday on May 4, 1868. It was marked by decorating graves, holding parades and attending picnics big and small.


In 1915  Moina Michael  wore a red poppy to honor those who died in war, and the idea took hold. Before too long the tradition of buying and wearing poppies spread, even to other countries.  The proceeds in some cases went to widows and children orphaned by war.

In ensuing years the original meaning has been lost and we now combine our remembering to include anyone close to us who has passed away.  We still decorate graves and hold special parties with red, white and blue flags flying, however the parades and community-wide celebrations are fewer, and in some places, non-existent.

In an attempt to return to its original intent, a "National Moment of Remembrance" was introduced in December, 2000 which asked that we all pause at 3:00 p.m. wherever we happen to be to remember those in the military who died to keep us safe.     Carrying it further, some are even behind a movement to return to the original day of observance, perhaps a specific day such as May 30, no matter what day it falls upon.  Their argument is that a three day weekend can be seen as a distraction with its multitude of activities,  rather than as a way of focusing on one important thing  - remembering those lost to us who were  trying to keep us from harm's way.

This year, for so many of our military's young men and women who made the "supreme sacrifice", we need to do more than take a minute at 3:00 p.m. to remember them.   As a nation we need to make sure that their deaths were not in vain, and live our lives in a way that brings honor to that sacrifice.  In the meantime, we can also show we care by our actions. We can say "thank you" or  give small gifts to everyone we see in uniform.  We can volunteer in military hospitals.  We can invite them to our homes for a good home-cooked meal.  We can put them in touch with possible employment opportunities.  In other words, we can give back to the living and injured an attitude of love and appreciation, while also remembering those no longer with us.

 So at 3:00 tomorrow, take a few minutes to reflect on those who have died so that we can be safe, and what that means for you.  Then take a few more minutes to think about those in the military, away from their homes and loved ones, and think how you can show them you care.  Surely it's worth a few minutes time in the lives of us all!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. WHERE IT ALL STARTS.

Today we held a bridal shower for  Liz, my future daughter-in-law,  at our Sandy Point beach house.  It was a champagne brunch for twenty-four women and the day was sunny and warm.  Guests were seated at decorated tables  on the water side patio, and garlands of pink flowers with white fairy lights festooned the walls above the buffet, which was prepared by another daughter-in-law, Jackie.

Presents were opened with the expected oohs and aahs, and daughter Jonelle busily made a bouquet  from all the ribbons. Click on the words "made a bouquet" to learn about this and other bridal traditions.  Because of time honored stories, Liz was careful  about unwrapping the presents, since the number of ribbons broken  are supposed to predict how many children the future bride will have.  And of course jokes were made about how many would be acceptable with respect to future motherhood.

Typical shower games were played, but one activity was worth sharing.   The women were asked to share advice for the new bride on 3 x 5 cards.  Here were a few of those "words of wisdom."

1.  Always make up and never go to bed mad.

2.  The best advice is to love, nourish and have peace.

3.  Laugh it off.

4.  Take 3 deep breaths and shake off the small stuff...and remember, it is mostly SMALL stuff.

5.  Communication and compromise are important.

6. Don't sweat the small stuff (toilet seats, clothes on the floor, etc.)

7. You catch more bears with honey than you do with vinegar.

8. You trained for a wonderful career.  Don't let anyone talk you out of it.  Always be able to work, to be independent, and to have your own money to spend.

9. Have unconditional love, fight fair, and always make up after.

10. Develop special hobbies and adventures that are shared together exclusively.  This will bond your relationship with each other and your shared memories will last forever.

11. Create your own family traditions.

12.  Promise to be kind to everyone you meet and know.

13. Act like your husband is always right, then do it your way when he is not looking.

14. Having two cars and two TVs is a good thing.

15. During the hard times (fights) pause and remember how rare true love is and how blessed you are to have it, then tell each other you love them.  Don't go to bed angry.

16.   Keep your guy on a short (yet fashionable leash). 

We all smiled knowingly at each other as the cards were read and I wondered  how many felt as I did - that being a woman is pretty special. I don't think men spend much time listening to advice from their buddies unless it has to do with getting certain basic needs met.  On the other hand we,  the so called weaker sex, shaped by the journeys  of those who went before, can spend hours talking about life's problems,  solutions, second guessing, multi-tasking, and handling whatever life throws our way. I think we are  wise, strong, clever, resourceful and resilient. Like the song lyrics from The Flower Drum musical say, "I enjoy being a girl."   

Many of us at the shower were mothers, which adds additional depth to the female psyche.  For those and for mothers across the world I say Happy Mother's Day.  May you enjoy the day, knowing that your children, whether near or far, will have you in their thoughts.

CROSSING THE DIGITAL DIVIDE

I mentioned last week that I was taking a computer fundamentals class at Edmonds Community College.   It would take care of five of seven remaining credits  needed to renew my teaching credential.  Normally I avoid anything that smacks of technology. I never learned to program a VCR, still find my DROID beyond understanding,  and yell for help whenever my TV remotes won't respond to a single click of a button. 

But, I use computers daily, write e-mails, cut, paste, design flyers, and write a blog.  Surely I could handle a basic computer class and fill up my deficit gaps, right?  Wrong!   I could give you a day by day rundown of my learning issues, but suffice it to say that my happiest day, since  the first day of school, was finding an on-campus  computer lab with tutors available for folks like me. 

I have no problem writing the papers.  Writing is a strength.  But, the quizzes are something else again.  One big problem is my inability to remember the various terminology, most of which are acronyms for vocabulary words important for understanding. For example, Here are only a few acronyms from Chapter 5 of Technology in Action, 8th edition, (Evans, et al., Prentice Hall, 2012).

OS  -  operating system
CPU - central processing unit
MS-DOS  OR   DOS  (Micro disc operating system)
RTOS   -  Real time operating systems (embedded system)
UNIX  - ?
RAM  -  random access memory
LINUX  -  open source operating sysem for personal computers
GUI - graphic user interface
GNOME  - ?

KDE - ?

OLPC  -  One laptop per child

GB  -  giga byte

PnP -  Plug and play

API  -     application programming interface

POST - power on self test

BIOS - basic input output system

ROM      -  read only memory

CMOS  -  complementary metal-oxidesemiconductor

I struggled  to put meaning to the acronyms.  Several terms were not even in my text book's glossary as you can see by the question marks.  I searched the web and found a computer dictionary which clarifies terminology for  true internet "dummies"  like me. From The Ultimate Computer Acronyms Archive  , which has 178 pages of computer acronyms,  I was able to find the various meanings.

Is your head sufficiently spinning, or are you one of those lucky techies for whom this is totally elementary?  Last week I learned about the digital divide which separates the digital "knows"   from  the "know nots".  I am thinking that  it is not a good thing to be on the wrong side of the divide; but, struggle as I might, I don't  think I will ever truly be "in the know."   However, it might not be too late for you, and you might be more open to this kind of literacy.  Take classes, classes, classes to become  computer literate.  Computers are here to stay and have taken over every aspect of our lives.  It was sobering to me, a simple farm girl, that even cows are not immune.  They probably have  RFIDs  imbedded so that their every movement can be monitored.  I find myself wondering how my deceased father would look at today's technology.  He'd probably just shake his head in disbelief,  then walk out to the barn to give a pat to Bessie as she waited to be milked. 

BACK IN THE "EDUCATIONAL SADDLE" AGAIN

It's 2012 spring quarter at Edmonds Community College, and here I sit one year after completing spring quarter 2011 classes in Spanish and piano. Why? I am finishing up seven credits needed to renew my teaching credential, a requirement of every teacher in order to teach in Washington state public school classrooms.  (School Days, School Daze, April 10, 2011)

Returning to a regular college classroom after fifty years was an eye opening experience a year ago (see blog), and provided a lesson in humility as I bumbled my way around campus where everyone seemed to know where to go and what to do. But I made it with a 4.0, a love and small skill in piano, and the rudiments ,though not fully internalized , of a new language. (Mexican Standoff in a Guaymas Walmart, January 1, 2012)

This quarter I am continuing with piano, and also taking five credits in computer fundamentals.  Feeling a little smug,  I breezed through registration, got my books at the bookstore ( sticker shock notwithstanding) and found parking and both buildings with ease.

It's the third week in the quarter and I am struck again by the ease of navigating the campus and finding any help I need with my classes.  Example:  The piano class has a free tutor just a phone call away.  I learned that over twenty locations have computers available for those in need.  One of them, a tutorial center in Mukilteo Hall, has tutors available to help with specific course needs.  You merely sign in, find an available computer, put your name, computer number and course number on a white board, and wait for help.  It comes quickly in the form of a friendly person with answers to your particular questions. 

Perhaps the most significant difference between today's classroom and those of bygone days is the prevalent use of technology.  Back then I had a portable manual typewriter on which I could type 80+ words a minute.  Now our household has no fewer than two apples and four pc computers in use at one time or another.  This includes two outdated laptops which sometimes seem like old friends when I am struggling with the newer technology available. But having a computer and understanding it are two different things to a person riddled with technological anxiety. Thus, I am taking  BSTEC 130, a  hybrid class which will introduce me to computer concepts, applications, HTML and the Internet using Windows and Microsoft Office, including Word, Access, Excel, and Powerpoint.  Whew!!

It's Saturday morning and I checked "My Edmonds CC" where, after signing in on something called "blackboard", I looked at my class requirements.  I then took a computer quizz and instanly received a grade.  "Ahem."  I took it twice and got 60%.  I think I will take the pass-fail grade option. 

Fifty years ago we went to class, studied, took our tests, and socialized.  I remember it as fun,  punctuated by periods of hard work and panic.  Today, it is hard work, some panic, and not much socializing, even with my poor abandoned husband waiting patiently nearby.  I am thinking that is probably true of many other students, at least in the business information technology department.  If you don't stay on top of it you are left behind.  And in the bigger picture, it's even more true.  Without understanding technology and its importance in our lives today, we will be left behind as individuals and as a country.  I am thinking back nostalgically on the "good old days" at the mid-century University of Washington. Now I find myself wondering what the 21st century students' good old days will look like.  No doubt the kind of computers, cell phones, and techy toys will be a large part.   But enough.  Now I must move on to Technology in Action where I am learning  that technology has taken over business, education, gaming, law enforcement, the military, medicine, the automotive industry, sports, psychology and agriculture.  Nanotechnology is on the horizon.  One big challenge of a digital society will be that of ethics.  Another will be the growing "digital divide" separating the "knows" and the "know nots" with respect to technology.  My head is spinning, but I am going to stay the course. More later.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A BOARD MAKES!

There are thousands of boards of directors all over the country doing amazing work as they guide their organizations both non-profit and for profit. One I know well is the Martin Luther King School Dream Foundation which my husband and I founded in 1999. It oversees the disbursement of post secondary scholarships to underserved students in the Seattle area, and has given out over one hundred to date. The board is made up of colleagues and friends who are committed to the good work of the foundation and meet when necessary to take care of foundation business.

In addition, my husband has been very involved with Edmonds Community College, both as a trustee locally and nationally, and also as a foundation board member. Out of his many years of board experience he has written a book entitled Walking the Board Walk which spells out secrets of an enjoyable nonprofit board experience.

Lately I have been hearing about another board of directors for a company called SPIC, (Sandy Point Improvement Company) a "for profit" board serving a recreational community called Sandy Point, north of Bellingham where we own a vacation home. I am concerned that this board needs some training on how to operate effectively for its members.

Right now this unique waterfront community near the Canadian border, seems to be victim to escalating levels of petty crime, drug problems and a disregard of property rights by a few unsavory individuals. It is clear that concern about these developments is growing along with dissatisfaction with the SPIC Board’s response. Some residents feel their complaints fall on deaf ears. Citizen groups including block watchers have been formed and police have been called regularly reporting suspicious activity. Some residents have even experienced intimidation by individuals who carry on their bullying behavior with apparent immunity.

While I know there are a few residents trying to solve the problems, I do NOT see SPIC and others showing leadership in terms of protecting this community and its homeowners, or giving support where needed. Maintaining the community should be at the front of their duties as elected board members. They should be supporting those who are trying to solve problems with the clout of their office and take a "united we stand" approach, by sticking up for beleaguered homeowners and targeting those who seek to destroy the safety and harmonious way of life for this beautiful area.

To those of you on the board, I say this: I think it is important for all of us, as Sandy Pointers, to realize that our ENTIRE community is at risk. Whether one lives on the lake, the bay, the beach, the heights or Neptune Beach, our property values suffer if people believe crime is on the rise and no one is doing what is needed to stop it. Word does get around. Why buy here if there are safer communities with as much to offer elsewhere. Shorthanded police officers are not the answer. Community muscle can be. You are our muscle, and need to step up to the plate of your elected responsibility.

If you need help in being more effective, I know a very good, nationally recognized author and facilitator, with a vacation home at Sandy Point, who can help you become a board to be proud of. Feel free to contact
Vaughn@patosislandpress.com.

MARRIAGE - MAKING EACH OTHER'S DREAMS COME TRUE!

Marriage is about making each other’s dreams come true. I heard that on a CNN interview Don Lemon was holding this afternoon. The truth of it struck me. It also struck me that it takes two to believe in this truth or it probably won’t work. In other words, one half of the couple will most likely feel dissatisfied, discontented or devalued.

I speak with some authority as I have experienced both kinds of marriage. In the first, which ended in divorce, the focus was on my husband’s career, needs and wants. After the split, not of my choosing, and seven years of single parenting, I married a wonderful man who was a recent widower and father of five. Filled with mutual respect, genuine liking, a healthy dose of passion and shared dreams
for the future we embarked on our second chance at happiness. Twenty five years later the feelings remain the same, even at our advanced ages. He still has his dreams and tasks and I have mine. We believe in each other. We have each other’s backs.

It’s such a comfortable way to live – no fighting, bickering, putdowns or insurmountable disagreement. It’s hard stay angry if you really have your partner’s best interest at heart, and vice versa. I am sad when I see firsthand a couple struggling to stay a couple. The resulting angst, bitterness, and bewilderment are painful to watch, especially when at least part of the solution is simply changing one’s point of view, and applying the golden rule.

Here is a recent example: A young woman is invited by her boyfriend to a reunion party where he knows everyone and she knows no one. He takes no time to introduce her to his various friends, and spends much time reconnecting with them, leaving her to fend for herself. When the evening is over, she tries to explain how she feels, only to find that he is completely bewildered at her reaction and gets defensive.

My husband and I do not have to be glued to each other at a party, but we are both always aware of where the other one is, and make sure that we do not feel abandoned. We always make appropriate introductions to each other’s acquaintances. If we know there is an event where this might be difficult to accomplish we simple don’t participate.

And another: A couple will be getting married in three months. The young woman wants to spend an entire Saturday shopping and registering for gifts at various stores. The young man is trying to think of ways to get out of this task without hurting his fiancee’s feelings. Both are trying to get their way without a major argument. The relationship is new enough that each still wants to please the other.

A little input from an older adult helps avert potential disaster. An agreement is struck to spend a Friday evening checking out various stores, capped by a glass of wine and some appetizers. The shopping compromise becomes a happy memory of this important time. Finding a caring adult who has both parties’ interests at heart is beneficial.

Let’s go back to the opening statement. “Marriage is about making each other’s dreams come true.” That should be amended to a good marriage. Most people getting married have every intention of staying married, but don’t realize the level of maturity and commitment needed. When a marriage becomes troubled, help from outside sources is beneficial, IF the outside source is impartial and wants to see the couple stay married. There are some marriage and family counselors who have a different view of marriage. My former husband and I saw a family counselor who, after hearing our complaints separately, took the position that if there were that many problems, why stay married? Why indeed? If there are children involved, every effort should be made to help the couple rekindle what brought them together in the first place.

It seems like the prevailing view of marriage is that life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. However, If you truly value your marriage and want to make every effort to stay married, consider checking into “The Art and Science of Love” marriage workshops presented by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Workshops in Seattle are being held in May, July and October of this year. Specific details can be found by clicking on their website. You will also find workshops all over the country led by Gottman trained therapists. I didn’t know about the Gottmans when I was going through my own marital strife, and perhaps the outcome would have been different if I had. I certainly think my children would have fared better. However, I grew in strength and wisdom as a result, and am now happy and fulfilled. I try very hard to make my husband's dreams come true, and he does the same for me. It's a wonderful way to live.

So, if you are going through marital angst, before you throw in the towel on your own relationship, see a therapist who believes in marriage. Consider checking out the Gottmans. The drain on your emotions and finances will surely be significantly less than a divorce.

SAYING “I’M SORRY” RIGHTS MANY A WRONG.

I’m sorry. Two words that right many wrongs. Why is it so hard for some folks to understand the power of this phrase? Starting in kindergarten we teach children to use sweet words like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry.” We see them posted on classroom walls, role play situations using them to thwart anti-social behavior like bullying, and make sure every child understands what respect and respectful behavior means.

Why, then, does all that teaching go out the window as folks get older and put their own needs and wants ahead of everyone else’s, ending in hurt feelings and miserable communication.

Watching the Republican candidates duke it out with each other and criticize much of what President Obama does and says, makes me shake my head in stupefaction. I have to believe they had teachers who attempted to teach them respectful behavior, and to say they were sorry if they hurt someone’s feelings, even if unintended.

What happened? If you add the forgiveness factor of the Christian faith into the mix, then saying you are sorry about causing hurt to others should be a given.

My rant today involves the furor over President Obama’s apology to the people of Afghanistan when copies of their beloved Quran were inadvertently burned by U.S. forces stationed there. Of course he should apologize, by any measure, in trying to right this wrong. Emotions are running so high that Americans serving in this mostly Muslim country can be at risk. If an apology can defuse the situation, aside from being the right thing to do, then we should be proud that our president took a forceful, proactive approach. What has me shaking my head is the stance of Republican presidential hopefuls, Santorum, Gingrich and Romney. Santorum’s statement that an apology wasn’t necessary because the act was not intentional makes me question this candidate’s ability to understand other cultures, and to be a leader in our global environment. Mit Romney’s view that an apology “sticks in the throats of many Americans” because of how many have died trying to help the Afghans is short sighted. It certainly doesn’t stick in my throat, quite the contrary. Sorry, Gov. Romney, please speak only for yourself. No doubt Ron Paul would say we shouldn’t be there in the first place, and in that case, there would be no problem.

How sad that our leader wannabees have forgotten their kindergarten lessons in civility. If we cannot look up to them for compassion and understanding, what hope is there for a more civil, effective congress. At least we have had good role modeling for the past three years. I, for one, am proud of President Obama’s messages of tolerance, understanding, compromise and getting along.

It’s not only in the economy that we experience the concept of “trickle down”. Civility, or lack of it, also trickles down - in state and national governments, in businesses and in families. In my own extended family I have just learned of an amazing turnaround between a father and his son because of the words ”I’m sorry.” Years of hurt and misunderstanding were forgotten in a hug and protestations of love following the apology.

What makes the words come so easily to one set of lips but so difficult to another’s? Maybe it’s time for everyone to go back in time to kindergarten. Perhaps the quickest and most effective way to do that is to re-read the poem below by Robert Fulghum. It is my sincerest hope that you take his words to heart and apply them to your life.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum

“All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten. ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

1. Share everything.

2. Play fair.

3. Don't hit people.

4. Put things back where you found them.

5. Clean up your own mess.

6. Don't take things that aren't yours.

7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

8. Wash your hands before you eat.

9. Flush.

10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put thing back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”