THE PKC CLUB

"As citizens we have to be more thoughtful and educated and more informed. I turn on the TV and I see these grown people screaming at each other, and I think, well, if we don’t get our civility back, we’re in trouble." Emmylou Harris, singer-songwriter
　
　
Here is the eighth in a series of nine articles about a wish list of new year’s resolutions from the December 27 blog. Offer assistance to parents of challenging children with parenting classes and non-judgemental support. So that parents can be better homework helpers, offer them tutoring in areas where they feel weak. So that all students can learn, as is their right, remove disruptive students from the room temporarily until they can return as cooperating class members. Finding creative solutions to disruptive behavior is necessary.
　
　
In the kindergarten room Johnny is crawling on the floor, refusing to sit in his chair when asked. Down the hall in Room 6 fourth grader Bobby is taking aim with a broken crayon, his third, as he tries to bean his buddy across the table. Julie, in second grade, reaches over and marks on her seat partner's paper eliciting a loud protest from the injured party. In the library, Grace is poking her neighbor while listening to a story on the rug, causing a poke in return, and great commotion. Emma, a non-compliant 5th grader has not returned any homework since the beginning of the year.

I would bet that in this school these are not isolated instances of acting out - that there would have been many time outs, missed recesses, visits to the office, and phone calls home. I would also bet that some of these kinds of behaviors are occuring in public elementary schools all across the country, causing loss of instruction time for the majority of children forced to bear witness. How these bad behaviors are handled within the school and home has everything to do with the offending student's academic achievement, and if not dealt with properly, the school's overall success.

As I sat here thinking about all the naughty children I have known and loved I remembered the PKC Club and how it started.

Years ago, in my third grade inner city classroom, a battle between two girls escalated to the point of seriously disrupting the classroom. It started several days before with the arrival of one girl from a school in the south. She was "different" from the others in manner, speech and dress - immediately an object of curiosity. Children are funny with new arrivals. If the kid has self esteem and an easy manner he/she soon has friends. If the same kid is seen as smart and "with it", even better. This child, I'll call her Betty, had none of those traits. She was defensive and behind the class academically. Also in the class was Julie - outspoken, not a strong student, but a leader none-the-less. She ruled the playground. I had tried everything I could to ease Betty into school friendships, including partnerships with others both in and out of the room, and playing to her strengths and interests, but to no avail.

Finally I decided to invite the two to lunch in the classroom in order to discuss the situation. I am a big believer in the value of ambience, so I decorated a table with colorful construction paper, and a flower centerpiece flanked by scented candles, then added some tasty looking cupcakes. The girls came in tentatively, a little uncomfortable, but definitely thrilled to be having lunch with the teacher. When they saw the table setting, candlelight and dessert they looked amazed. I was amused to see other students lurking by the open door and gawking at what we were doing before being sent out for recess. The girls began to talk to each other about themselves, with a little gentle prodding from me. I talked about how important it was in life to be polite, kind and considerate to others.

This special time succeeded far beyond what I had expected. We decided to start a club called the PKC Club to help our classmates become more respectful to each other. We further resolved to have a candlelight lunch every Friday for those who had been polite, kind and considerate all week long. As an aside, I sweetened the pot, literally, by bringing some kind of tasty dessert every week.

Although it meant I had to give up most of my lunch break every Friday, the classroom payoff was tremendous. In simple terms, anyone whose name did not appear "on the board" during the week was invited to the lunch. By the end of the year most kids had attended at least one PKC candlelight lunch, and certainly everyone was trying. It covered a multitude of transgressions, with the exception of getting homework in on time.

In the past few weeks I have written two blog articles about the importance of parent involvement and nowhere is it more important than in the following two areas:

(1) Parents need to make sure their child's homework is done completely and turned in on time to teach the important life and work skills of accountability and responsibility.

(2) Parents need to make sure that their children follow school guidelines, especially in terms of respecting others, also as preparation for life and the world of work.

When a child repeatedly breaks school rules, and when all options fail at school, parents must follow through with consistent disciplinary measures at home until the bad behavior is eliminated or minimized. One parent, when phoned about her child's behavior actually said, "Don't tell me about stuff that happens at school That's your problem." Other parents often take the view that it was the other kid's fault - that their child would NEVER do this or that. Sadly, jails are filled with adults whose parents played the blame game, then wondered later what went wrong - often continuing to blame teachers, the school, the community, the authorities and others.

Here are two areas where schools can help parents:

(1) Provide a regular support group for parents where they can get help and ideas on how to parent their challenging children. It would also be a safe place to vent and to learn that they are not alone. Perhaps there could be some kind of mandatory attendance if children are repeat rule breakers. Family Support workers, if there are any, could help with resources and setup.

(2) Homework Helpers can be instituted for those unsure of how to motivate or help their children get homework done. Even on the elementary school level, homework can be beyond what some parents can do and it only gets more difficult as the years go by.

These days, in our complex modern world, where civility and accountability sometimes seem to be part of the "good old days" we all need to be more polite, kind and considerate to everyone we meet, and to teach these values to our children. Would it be too far fetched to start a PKC Movement in our country? Let's at least each commit to practicing PKC in our families to see what happens. Good luck!

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BOOK NOOK

If every parent should add the book No, David! and David Gets In Trouble by David Shannon to their children's book collection, then every elementary school teacher should have David Goes to School. The author has an amazing knack of targeting misbehaviors of children in a humorous, empathic way, and his simple drawings are frosting on the cake. At school David challenges every school rule - chews gum, doesn't raise his hand to speak, won't wait his turn, gets into fights, is inattentive, won't stay seated, scribbles on his desk, and more. It is an absolutely perfect way to introduce classroom guidelines at the beginning of the year and good for class discussions.

For parents who are struggling with non-compliant children, check out the following site:
http://singleparents.about.com/od/discipline/a/kids_behavior.htm?r=et