Sunday, April 4, 2010

DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY! (IF ONLY I COULD)

“When I look back on all my worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened” - Winston Churchill

For as long as I can remember worry has come easily to me. Growing up on the farm I worried about the oil stove blowing up and the house burning down. Although my parents moved from that house over fifty years ago, it is still standing proudly in the middle of the yard. In grade school I worried that I would miss the bus and, because we lived so far away, and my mother didn’t drive, I would be stuck at school all night. To my memory I rode that bus for 45 minutes nearly every day for twelve years. I never slept at the school! In high school I worried that my father wouldn’t let me go to the senior prom with a senior boy I liked (I was a freshman). That worry was realized, but only later did I understand how lucky I was. Thank you, Dad! All during those years if I heard my parents arguing I worried that they might separate, which seemed like the end of the world. They stayed married for nearly seventy years. In college I worried about passing tests, having boyfriends, getting back to the dorm by 2:00 a.m. and too many other worries to mention. I graduated cum laude and on time. As a wife I worried about all the things my parents worried about. Sadly some of those worries bore fruit and I became a single mom. That brought up a host of new worries -- financial, teenage angst, decisions, and indecisions to name a few. Now I worry about my grown children, step children and their children and a whole new level of worry has arrived. I remember, as a parent, hearing the saying “little children, little problems, big children, big problems”. Actually, that has proved to be true for me. With all of my new worries, I find myself remembering, with some nostalgia, those simpler times as a young single mother. How could all of this worry been avoided? Could my parents have helped guide me? I don’t think so. They were just too busy living life, shouldering their own real concerns to give any of mine a second thought. It wouldn’t even have occurred to them.

So how does all this relate to those of us who are teachers and parents? My sister recently sent me the piece below by Erma Bombeck which touched my heart. In today’s world where we are bombarded by daily predictions of doom and gloom our worries seem real. Children are not immune. Some of them even act on their worries by engaging in self destructive and anti-social behavior at unprecedented levels.

Perhaps we need to take some time to put ourselves in their places and think about how they feel. It may be “little children, little problems” but it’s “big problems” to them. As you read Erma’s piece, although you might find yourself smiling, please believe that your children actually can feel overwhelmed by their worries. Maybe we should all resolve to become better questioners and listeners. Let’s not brush aside their feelings, but tell them we understand….that it must seem scary sometimes….that we love them and that we will be there for them. It is especially important that we validate the worries children have when their parents are going through the trauma of separation and divorce. I can remember feeling hopeless, helpless and sick to my stomach when I worried about my mother and dad staying together. It felt like the end of the world. Luckily, as I said, my world righted itself and I never had to face what a divorce might have meant. Unfortunately that will not be true for over 50% of today’s children. All we can do is to make the world “right” for a six hour school day. In addition to rigorous, creative and exciting lessons, we can include class meetings, journal writing, and stories about worries we all share.

Check out Wemberly Worried in the Book Nook at the end of this article. It’s a great and positive way to kick off a discussion about this destructive tendency many of us have.

Nothing to Worry About - Confessions of a Child Entering School for the First Time - who according to adults "has nothing to worry about. By Erma Bombeck

"My name is Donald and I don't know anything. I have new underwear, a new sweater, a loose tooth and I didn't sleep last night. I am worried. What if the school bus jerks after I get on and I lose my balance and my pants rip and everyone laughs? What if I have to go to the bathroom before we get to school? What if a bell rings and everyone goes into a door and a man yells, "Where do you belong?" and I don't know? What if my shoestring comes untied and someone says, "Your shoestring is untied. We'll all watch while you tie it"? What if the trays in the cafeteria are too tall for me to reach? What if the thermos lid on my soup is on too tight and when I try to open it, it breaks? What if my loose tooth wants to come out when we're supposed to have our heads down and be quiet? What if the teacher tells the class to go to the bathroom and I can't go? What if I get hot and want to take my sweater off and someone steals it? What if I splash water on my name tag and my name disappears and no one will know who I am? What if they send us out to play and all the swings are taken? What do I do? What if the wind blows all the important papers out of my hands that I'm supposed to take home? What if they mispronounce my last name and everyone laughs? What if my teacher doesn't make her D's like Mom taught me? What if I spend the whole day without a friend?What if the teacher gives a seat to everyone and I'm left over? What if the windows in the bus steam over and I won't be able to tell when I get to my stop? I'm just a little kid but maybe I'm smarter than I think I am. At least I know better than to tell a five-year-old with a loose tooth who has never been out of the yard by himself before that he has "nothing to worry about."

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BOOK NOOK


Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes is a story about an adorable little mouse who worries about everything. Morning, noon and night she worries. She worries about the tree in the front yard, the crack in the wall, and the noise the radiators make. She particularly worries about going to school and what would happen there. To Wemberly the worries are real. How she resolves this problem makes for an engaging story, and can be a great way to kick off a classroom discussion on this very important topic.

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