THE ROAD TO CIVILITY - A MATTER OF WILL

“Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one's condition.”

Two weeks ago, on December 26, I suggested a New Year's resolution for 2011 entitled "Removing the Rocks in the Road," talking figuratively about the obstacles in our daily lives. Now our country has encountered a major rock in our national road.

Yesterday America was shocked into new awareness when a young man, allegedly having emotional problems, opened fire on a political gathering killing or injuring nearly 20 people. The victims ranged from a U.S. Representative and Federal Judge to ordinary citizens including a 9-year old child. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was reaching out to her constituency outside a Tucson grocery store when the young shooter fired repeatedly into the crowd. He was brought to the ground by people nearby, but not before many lives were lost or changed forever.

How can this happen, we say? Who would perform such an unspeakable act of violence? Was it politically motivated? Who can be blamed? As we think about all that has taken place, what do we do now? Better gun control? More security? Somehow the pundits are finding guests in both political parties to begin the endless speculation and questioning. The fact is, an event has hit close to "political" home, raising a fear factor, and giving new life to old arguments.

An interview with a Facebook marketing person today said that a million people had responded to the news. The responders were split on gun control, but not on the loss of a child's life. Will it be a 24 hour news blitz of shock and awe, or will some good actually come out of this catastrophe?

I watch the news, chat with friends and relatives, listen and read different points of view, and one thing becomes clear. We do NOT listen to each other with appreciative ears or with the understanding that everyone has a right to their own viewpoint, unless that viewpoint is colored by mental illness and deviancy.

It is o.k. to be passionate about one's position, but it is NOT o.k. to attempt to overcome another's beliefs by violence, abuse or simply talking louder. To believe one's own viewpoint is the only right one is arrogant, misguided, irresponsible and ignorant.

Sometimes it feels like we, in America, fall largely into three camps, A, B, and C. I know of someone in Camp A who is hardworking, passionately conservative and wants everyone around him to be the same. I have participated in several discussions where he attempts to force others into his way of thinking, using what to him are truths, references to what our forefathers fought for, and a strong belief in our constitution and inalienable rights. He seems unable to see opposing viewpoints as having validity. He is so busy trying to change the minds of others that he fails to listen and read the body language of those he wishes to convert. If he did he would realize they tuned him out long ago.

Others, in Camp B, are equally passionate about what the government should be doing to help others, no matter what the cost. They vote in social programs to do good works and to save the environment. They believe enacting legislation to control or guide others to their way of thinking is best for all concerned. They believe they know what is right for the country, the environment, and the public at large. Somewhere in Camp B are also people who see nothing wrong with living off the hard work of others by accepting help from the enacted programs when in fact they could be contributing. Camp B people drive Camp A people crazy.

I think the large majority of us are in Camp C, where we believe in the constitution, want to help others, care about the environment, and see the importance of contributing to education, social well being, and the infrastructure. Camp C people get equally frustrated with Camps A and B, and wonder why we can't all just get along. The fact is, Camp A and B people forget what America is all about - freedom to have one's own opinion, and that the majority rules. Strident monologue and putdowns are becoming a favorite way of communicating. They also need to realize that the world is evolving minute by minute, especially in this age of technology.

Our forefathers were intellectuals, wrestling with how to establish the government of a new young country based on the desired freedoms and social problems of the time. They had many of the same moral and ethical issues we face now. But, in fact, the country is not the same today, no matter how much we wish the same solutions could apply. It has evolved in ways the forefathers could not have imagined: From horses to cars. From trails to freeways. From small farms and small towns, to major cities and agricultural centers. From a few people getting a few years of education, to mandatory education for every child. From hundreds of newcomers from a few countries to hundreds of thousands of newcomers from dozens of countries, all wanting their piece of what we now call the American Dream. One Seattle area community college now boasts a student population speaking 61 different languages. Unheard of in our foregathers' time. In those days they dealt with English, French, Spanish, and whatever Native American languages were spoken.

As we have evolved, the Constitution has also had to evolve in order to solve new problems not encountered before - gender and racial equality as an example. The makeup of the population has not been the only change. Modern weaponry, health care, education for the masses, and more, have changed the face of America. What would the forefathers have done if confronted with assault rifles and other sophisticated guns.

Perhaps the biggest change is the way we communicate and the burden that the mass media places on how we think and what we decide to do.

Here is some of my "food for thought" if we want to continue as a nation:

1. We have the right to our opinions and to voice them. We have the responsibility to listen to other viewpoints respectfully.

2. We have the right to be treated with respect. We have the responsibility to treat others the same.

3. We have the right to share opposing viewpoints. We have the responsibility to respond to those with whom we disagree with civility.

4. We have the right to our own positions. We have the responsibility to not be so enamored of those positions that they cannot be altered.

5. We have the right to listen to whatever news programs delight us. We have the responsibility not be be incited to bully-like, destructive behavior if we don't like what we hear.

6. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We have the responsibility not to take that right away from others.

If we are government leaders or media spokespeople, following the rights and responsibilities listed above are absolutely critical to our country's survival, in my opinion.

Finally, how can we use this rock in the road to improve our condition? Are we willing to let go of our personal positions and really start listening to each other? Can we treat each other with civility and good will, even if our desired outcomes are not the ones chosen? Can we learn to value our differences and learn from each other, becoming better human beings as a result? If not, then we are doomed to spiral downwards into experiences like the one yesterday.

Representative Gifford's husband is an astronaut. Her brother-in-law is also an astronaut presently orbiting high above us. I hear that our planet looks pretty amazing from far away - its beauty hiding the ugly behavior of we humans who inhabit it. It is my hope that we can learn from the events of yesterday to move this ugly rock from our road, and decide that we will be a kinder, more civil, more compassionate and understanding America. We can do this. It's a matter of will.