BULLY BEWARE!

"Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey." by Anna Julia Cooper

Check below for some lesson ideas on bullying. The book under discussion is called Bullies are a Pain in the Brain, written and illustrated by Trevor Romain. Very cool!

Bullying is a hot topic these days, with CNN Specials, alarming stories of teen suicides attributed to peer bullying, and articles galore on causes, effects and possible solutions. Most of us have a childhood "bully story" and cringe at the memory.

My sister clearly remembers a particularly scary incident when a child in the neighborhood came after her with an ax, threatening to kill her, then cackled with glee when my sister ran away. Upon changing schools my 3rd grade daughter was teased constantly on the playground, several boys calling her a "white witch" because she had such light blonde hair. I, myself, had a hair incident in ninth grade when a group of girls spread rumors that I, a natural platinum blonde, dyed my hair so that it would be that color. It was a silly rumor, but had the desired effect on me - embarrassment and denial - which only made them do it more.

Yesterday my 12-year-old grand-daughter, Lily, now in middle school, was wondering what to do about a bully in her science class. He is one of four students in her cluster group of two girls and two boys. Let's call him Billy. The story goes like this: The other little girl asked my grand-daughter if she could borrow her black colored pencil. Billy the Bully snatched the pencil and wouldn't give it back. The girls responded by telling him to give it back, but of course, he wouldn't. Finally, after he had achieved the desired drama, he threw the pencil back at them.

Those of us hearing Lily's story began to offer ideas of how to handle Billy and other bullies based on our own beliefs and experiences. What became clear to me is that there are no easy answers to this complex problem. However, here are some strategies we came up with:

1. Raise your hand and tell the teacher that Billy apparently needs a black pencil, and is there an extra one available for him? This would be a subtle way to call attention to his behavior without "telling on him." Perhaps he would be sufficiently embarrassed to refrain from such behaviors in the future.

2. Ask Billy a question, i.e. You seem to be in a bad mood. Are you having a bad day?

3. I am wondering why you find teasing people so much fun. Please return the pencil.

4. What you're doing is not o.k. Please show respect.

On other occasions apparently Billy the Bully engaged in verbal bullying, calling the other little boy, who is shy and serious, a "fat hippie." In this case, the bullied child shot back with "I'm not either a fat hippie." which, of course, does nothing to stop the taunts.

Name calling is prevalent in school from kindergarten on, resulting in complaints, or tattling, tears, and teacher intervention. Some things a student might say include:

1. Name calling is not O.K. Please stop.

2. I don't like it when you call me names. Please stop.

3. Why do you like to call people names?

4. Kids don't like it when you call them names, so stop it now.

5. You show no class when you stoop to name calling. Get some class.

6. I want to be your friend, but I can't when you act so mean.

One suggestion is for teachers to have a Class Meeting Box where students can write anonymous concerns on paper. Teachers can then designate a time during the week where these complaints can be discussed and resolved. When the solutions and consequences come from peers, the offenders are more likely to listen. It also gives an opportunity for "the other side of the story." This process takes a little time away from instruction, but the pay-off in overall learning and emotional well-being far exceeds the expenditure.

Of the many on-line articles I checked out, the one forwarded to me by my sister, stood out. Called Life Lessons - Compassion for a Bully by Jodee Blanco, the article seeks to show ways to defuse bullying by finding out the underlying causes and addressing them. The example used showed ways that two different teachers handled bully incidents, one making the situation worse, and the other causing a real turnaround in behavior.

Other interesting articles include ParentFurther's "Introduction To Bullying and Violence," with FAQs, what bullying is, what to do about it, information on cyberbullying, what to do if one's own child is a bully, and more.

Another called Teasing and Bullying: No Laughing Matter, by Diana Townsend-Butterworth, also describes what bullying is, how it starts, effects, warning signs, how to help, and what to look for at home and at school.

Bullies are made, not born, and unless the offending behaviors are addressed, a bully's aggressive behavior can do serious, long-lasting damage to all concerned. Jails are full of them. Psychologists' offices are full of their victims. Nice people like my sister, my daughter and myself have painful childhood memories because of them. It's time for us to take a grassroots stand against bullying and bring about a return to civility. If each of us committed to putting at least one bully in his place this week, what a difference we could make. I pledge to try, and will report back.

In the meantime, if you have a bully story or a bully solution, make a comment. We'd all benefit.
If you are a teacher, check below for an interesting resource on this topic.

BOOK NOOK

Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain, written and illustrated by Trevor Romain, is a practical, sometimes humorous, book filled with bullying examples, solutions, and resources for kids, parents and teachers. Example: "Bullies think they've hit the jackpot when they make you cry. Don't reward a bully with tears. Instead, stay as calm as you can and walk away with confidence." I would add this: It's easier said than done, so role play with a family member or friend on how to respond, and what walking away with confidence looks like.

To use this book in class, try the following:

1. Print out the examples on separate pieces of paper. At a class meeting or during a "dead time" (every class has a few minutes of this), pull out a paper for presentation and discussion.
One good time is before lunch or before recess so that the subject is on everyone's mind.

2. Take the examples and turn them into skits for presentation to the whole class. Follow with discussion.

3. End the day with reading from the book, and ask if anyone has seen examples during the day of that particular kind of bullying.

4. Have a PKC Club (entry is gained by being polite, kind and considerate) in your class where no bullying is allowed. Have a reward at the end of the week for those in the class who are still members, i.e. They have not been designated as a bully by anyone. I had a PKC lunch to which I brought dessert. That's pretty time consuming and ambitious for the teacher. Instead, have a surprise or treat box, cookies, or some other thing that kids enjoy.

Good luck on helping kids be caring, empathetic people. It is SUCH a good mission.